At April 10th, at 1 AM, a guy named Josh Raby in Nashville went to McDonalds to get a milkshake. That’s all I know about Josh Raby. I wouldn’t even know that, but when he concluded his milkshake run, he wrote about it in a series of 25 or 30 tweets that went viral. His milkshake run made the news as far away as South Africa. McDonalds is reviewing security footage. There are now “Milkshake Truthers.” Here is his story, pasted in from his Twitter Feed (@JoshRaby) exactly as it appeared:
‘It’s 1AM and I decided I wanted a milkshake. So there’s a McDonald’s near my house. I’m greeted at the drive thru by the following sentence:
“Hey holy shit hello, you are at McDonald’s, and I am begging your patience.”
There are no other cars here, by the way. I’m caught off guard so I mumble “Um, ok you can have it.” The voice comes back: “Praise you.”
So I sit for a minute, then he finally returns and says “please tell me your order” So I say “milkshake” I don’t know why that’s all I said
“I’ll need a minute”, he replies. I realize I did not describe my desired milkshake in any way so I yell “I need to tell you what kind.”
He is gone for several minutes. When he returns he says flatly “we aren’t going to be able to do the milkshake. I do have many apple pies.”
Do not ask me why I did this but the next words out of my mouth were “Are you ok”
“I am not ok. Would you please tell me your order so I can try to punch it in? I will be very slow, but I will get it.”
I tell him not to worry, I am not upset, and at this point for some reason I order a chicken sandwich
My chicken sandwich order confuses him. Several minutes are spent repeating what I want on it, watching the screen as he tries over and over
At one point I guess he gave up because the screen just went black for a while.
I hear a deep exhale.
“Dude I lost my wife”.
“I’m sorry, man, I-”
“Please describe your chicken sandwich to me again so I can succeed at one thing.”
Anyway he finally gets it and then says “I really do feel bad about the milkshake situation. Can I sell you an apple pie?”
“Fine. I will buy an apple pie.”
“Apple pies are cheaper than milkshakes anyway.”
Then there is a weird series of beeps and when his voice comes back in he is fucking SCREAMING into his headset: “I FOUND HER! THANK GOD!”
“What? Who did you find?”
“MY WIFE. SHE WAS WATCHING ME FROM BEHIND THE BOXES!”
At this point I have ordered a chicken sandwich I do not want and an apple pie I do not want and no milkshake and I’ve been here 22 minutes
“Can you give me my total” I say because honestly I don’t know if I want to understand his marriage or if I even could and I just want to go
So he says “your total is 8 HOLD ON my wife is here and she wants me to tell you she will sell you 2 apple pies at a discount”
“What is the discount?”
“2 apple pies for only 2 dollars. You should take it.”
(Note: One apple pie is $1.19)
“Give me the extra pie”
“She says thank you”
“Tell her I said no problem”
Why am I talking to his wife like this why
I pull around and they are fucking making out in the window and he has his thumb out like he is aware I will be driving up to this
Both of these people are in their mid-40s
They unstick themselves from one another and I hand him my card “sorry about this. I haven’t worked at McDonald’s in 16 years” he says
I say “it’s fine” to which he says “FINE just stands for FUCKED UP, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, and ERROR-PRONE”
His wife cackles and says “I knew that when I was 13, get with it, man!”
I have been here 37 minutes.
So listen I get my card and drive ahead to the next window and THERE IS A WHOLE SEPARATE FUCKING HUMAN AT THAT WINDOW
He hands me my bag, leans out the window and says “you get to drive away” then promptly shuts the window and sits on a stool, head in hands
My chicken sandwich was wrong, by the way’
I was going to present this without comment, but as I was typing it out, Rabe tweeted that he has been contacted by McDonalds—not the McDonalds down the block, McDONALDS—and tomorrow, Wed. the 13th, they are picking him up in a limo to give him the Ultimate Drive-Thru Experience.
“I have been assured I will receive a milk shake,” he says.